To Err
is human
MOTIVATION
To err is human and normal, which in turn means that all those who believe they are always right are NOT normal :-). Making mistakes is often seen in a negative light, but it can also lead to positive surprises. The idea for this topic came to me last week, after I posted "Friendships and Loneliness" online and realized that I was wrong about some things and had made mistakes. In my thoughts, it was about seeing that the greatest support and the most positive feedback for CommunityTee came from friends, acquaintances, or even people unknown to me personally, from whom I would not have expected it. This positive surprise made me think and search for reasons.
When do we almost never err? We seldom or never err when it comes to situations that are imminent or obviously predestined. For example, we will naturally get wet if we walk in the rain without an umbrella, or if I turn on my computer now, it will start. This kind of being right is usually not worth mentioning. What's more interesting is how we react when we were indeed wrong. For example: The computer won't turn on anymore. Imagine that situation :-/. The first thing that comes to my mind is: 'Of course....'
We almost always err when an expected event lies far in the future or when it involves expectations of others and, most importantly, of ourselves. Our expectations are often like a tightly set frame within which we feel safe. Yet life, in its infinite diversity, seldom adheres to our notions. We err in our expectations because we view the world through the lens of our experiences, hopes, and fears. 'Viewing' here is the keyword! The Dunning-Kruger effect, for example, describes how people tend to underestimate or overestimate something, creating a distortion of reality. Additionally, out of fear of being disappointed, we instinctively misjudge situations or expectations for self-protection. An occupational psychologist provocatively claimed in an article, which I'll link below, that we are wrong 97% of the time.
Without getting too scientific, it can be said that situations never turn out as we expect them to. That is, unless it's about simple yes/no or happens/does not happen situations. This is because it's difficult enough to assess ourselves objectively. By this, I mean that we can never predict how well we can do/achieve something and how well/poorly we do something or how happy/sad we feel afterwards. We do not live in a vacuum, devoid of external influences. Moreover, these influences are unpredictable. By this, I especially mean interaction with others. To put it clearly again: I misjudge myself, the other person misjudges themselves. Both do not know what else will happen around them. Two confused individuals collide, and something comes out, but certainly not what both expected. Crazy...
What do we do with this fact? Through my research, I found that all experts in this field agree. Erring is human and even necessary for development. We learn and grow through mistakes and setbacks. Success impedes development and causes stagnation. Over time, we can get better at distancing ourselves from our distorted viewpoints and objectively assessing situations. This gives us a chance to get to know ourselves better and correct our distorted worldview. There are also various techniques for arriving at this realization more quickly and consciously, such as mindfulness exercises. This involves learning to see things as they are, dealing with this reality, and accepting it. However, the disruptive factor remains in the interaction with others. Here, expectations will probably never be met. The question is only whether we will be negatively or positively surprised.
In conclusion, Matze's practical tips: Over the years, I have learned not to expect anything from others. For this, I am all the happier and more grateful when I am positively surprised. Of course, we can never completely turn off expectations because we all have a sense of justice and expect that others will treat us just as we have treated them. If I notice that I had hoped for something and it doesn't happen, I sometimes ask about it and often realize that there were unforeseeable reasons why a situation did not occur or happened differently. Another example is when situations caused by others may feel like an attack, provocation, or abandonment. Through clarification conversations, it becomes clear that there were misunderstandings or unforeseeable reasons. It is almost never the case that someone does something out of malice. The problem is just that we apparently all live in parallel worlds, and our perception constantly plays tricks on us.
Thank you to all supporters & Stay tuned…
Sources and related links (last visit 02.1.2024):
Fearless Culture: Why It’s Better to Be Human than to be Right
Psychologie-Aktuell: Das Chaos und das Unbewusste
Cross-Silo: Why 97% of People Are Wrong About Almost Everything
Gedankenwelt: Das unerträgliche Bedürfnis, immer recht zu haben
Strukturierte Analyse Deutschland: Wie wir uns irren: Biases und Heuristiken
