Goals and Wishes

I hope you all have had a good start to the new year and have defined your New Year's resolutions. Unfortunately, I know from feedback that some of you find it difficult to define your goals or generally have trouble making decisions. In this blog, I want to show you ways to recognize these challenges and deal with your obstacles.

There are generally two types of obstacles that make it difficult for you to recognize and define your goals and wishes: 1. external reasons and 2. yourself.

Regarding the first point: Humans are social beings that only survive in a community. It's no wonder that we sometimes let external influences affect us too much, and unfortunately, not always for the better. The reason why we take these pieces of advice or expectations too much to heart lies in our childhood. We grow up learning what is right and wrong through our parents. Combined with rewards and possible punishments we receive, it becomes difficult to completely ignore external influences in adulthood. Over time, we switch roles and become those who quite well understand what would be beneficial for others.

Thus, when we find it difficult to recognize our own goals and wishes, it is all the more astonishing how easy it is for all of us to give advice to friends, family members, and even strangers. Doesn't everyone have an opinion on how things could be better, especially when it's not about ourselves :-)?

It's time to recognize which influences we allow and which we ignore, freeing ourselves from societal pressure. To do this, it's best to analyze the past: Which advice from people has helped you and which has not? If you have no experience to draw from, play out the entire situation in your mind and consider the following points:

Do you have something to lose, and what do you gain from it?

Why haven't you thought of it before?

Can you identify with it, if yes, why, if not, why not?

If you find it difficult to go through this in your mind, take paper and pen and make a column for reasons for and against. Then evaluate whether the positive or negative reasons prevail. In the end, see external influences only as inspiration, because the next step is to check if you really want it yourself.

If this also gives you difficulty, imagine you are your best friend and give yourself good advice in this new role.

Point 2: Every first step is difficult, but now you at least have an idea of which direction to go. Next, you need to outsmart yourself and your inner laziness. The reason we lack drive and motivation to think about our goals and wishes, or even to implement them, is the fear of failure or the reaction of people who are important to us (unfortunately, sometimes even those who are not important to us). It often feels as if doing nothing is easier and safer than wanting something. But that's a false thought! Right now, it's only about defining goals and wishes! Nothing will go wrong, nor will you be judged for it! It's time to dream, and the more detailed, the better. For example, if a new goal of yours is to exercise more, imagine how often you want to exercise each week, how you leave your house, how you persevere in all weather conditions, how you perform the exercise, how good you feel afterwards, and so on.

This approach is also called mental training and is highly valued by professional athletes. The recurring thought strengthens the will and motivation to perform this activity. Repeating the steps in as much detail as possible in your mind acts like training. You may not gain more muscles, but you will internalize the movement patterns.

Finally, moving from theory to Matze's practical tips: Become aware that changes take time. But never set limits for yourself and realize that the journey can often be the goal itself. The higher your goals, the greater the chance that you'll be happy with intermediate successes and won't always need new ultimate goals. It's also never a shame to change your goals occasionally or add new ones. Stay tuned...

This weeks book recommendation with Affilate Link is „Ich könnte alles tun, wenn ich nur wüsste, was ich will“ from Barbara Sehr und Barbara Smith.